31 hours. 150 km.

I felt the need to title this blog with my numbers as I haven't been recording them on here as of late.  I also haven't been as on top of this blog as I would like.  That's ok though.  I've actually really started to notice that my top half is toning up so I've been trying to push myself more... and that extra push has tired this poor lady out.

Which brings me to the theme of this entry.

Budgeting.

Not just for bank accounts people!
No.  Budgeting is something I really want to work on in all aspects of my life.  A little measure system to keep track of me, my progress, my energy, my food, my banking... my...  life essentially.

Budgeting is something I need to do in my own brain space to divide it into sections so that I can make a little brain shaped pie chart into what matters - how much I need to worry about it... and so on.  I need to budget fun, reality, work ethic... passion and love into there.  I need to make sure I pick up a new play and read it and learn a monologue - JUST for fun to hone my craft and keep it up so that when I get an audition... it's already work that is budgeted into my life... so extra worry isn't exerted unnecessarily.  If something throws off my little balance system now EVERYTHING seems to go out of wack.  I get mad at CN (sorry love) I get grumpy at work.. and I feel like a failure - alllll because one measly little thing didn't fit into my life budget.  I want to work on that and be more easy going.

If we're really talking numbers wise.  I need to reel in my habits.  Granted - that whole car situation did not treat my poor visa card well.  It's racked up a fair amount of evil debt that really wears a poor girl down.  I want to be able to be in control of my Visa by spring.  I think that is a fair goal.  To do this I need to put a fair chunk of change towards my good friend Visa every (little itty bitty) paycheck.  I can't rely on the money I'm supposed to get back from my car insurance agency - as I have no idea if or when that's actually coming.  Yes - my case was dropped and my license will be cleared.  However... it's been 10 days and my license still has the ticket on it... so i'm still throwing money into my savings State Farm pot (479.00 people) until this all goes away.  I've thrown over 2 grand into that stupid car... over this stupid ticket.. and I want it to die.  I want it to go away and never come back.  I want to have that money back... and get back in control of my life.  Capishe?   Rawr.  Anyway... as I said... I don't know when that will come to me.  Sooooooooooo here's to being responsible and hey - if and when that cheque arrives... hello Mexico.

Gym wise.  I talked about head wars.. and those are still happening.  It's natural for me to get a little rough on myself if I neglect the gym.  So... i reckon if I aim for 3 gym sessions a week... then that's fair.  I have been consistently hitting the gym 3-4 times a week since the end of October - so I know that that is a goal I can keep.   I would like to gain some distance and run further in my hour runs.  This is a better goal for me then trying to push for more gym time.  It's not how many hours I rack up - it's how effectively I use those hours I have.  Quality over quantity. 

Love wise.  Friend wise... Family... I'm happy.  I'm happy to be spending Christmas in Toronto with my love.   A part of me will be a little bummed Christmas morning knowing my fam is together without me... but you know what?  Life involves changes... and changes are exciting!   I'm making my own family.  My Toronto family.  My own roots.  Those are just as important if not more so. 

Laaa ddeeee daaa... sooo with that ladies and gents... I'm out!  Hopefully not for long.  I plan on budgeting more time into my life to blaaaaahhhhhg it out.

Happy ho ho!

A

Because I promised...

A picture!  Taken Saturday Dec. 4.  2010.

Head wars.

I got a little busy this week.  So busy in fact that I only really got in three good workouts - Sunday run, Wednesday run and Thursday bootcamp class.  I also did a pilates ball workout on my own at home on Monday.   Anyway... today I work at 1 and I woke up at 10 with full intentions of hitting the gym.  But I haven't gone yet and I realized that I'm getting a little maniacal about the gym and I have to start being reallllly careful about what headspace I get into.   I can get into a pretty dark place where I start kicking my own butt in my head about not being good enough. 

I've been in this place before.... I start working out... and then to get results I start eating less.  During a run of Oklahoma a few years ago - I was working out, drinking one coffee in the morning... eat a handful of almonds - then not eating again till the show where I had an Ice Cap from Tim Hortons as a dinner... and whatever else.  It was bad and I was getting pretty svelte - but not for good reasons.  But the control I had felt good, it felt like if nothing else at least I could control something.  I do understand this was not healthy.  There was other emotional baggage going on during that show that fed into me becoming a little crazy... but regardless... I don't really ever want to be in that place again.


Yes - i do want to be svelte.   Yes.. I am starting to tone up quite nicely.  But now, I'm freaking out that if I take a day off that I'm going to lose all of the results I've starting having. 

I have good reason to take the morning off today.  Monday - my day off from Starbucks - has turned into a busy day.  I have an audition, then I have some training for a Heart and Stroke gig I'm doing on the weekend.. and then I have my second court date for my awesome speeding ticket (for going 5km over the limit).  It's a busy day.  I jut got wind of the audition yesterday ... so I'd like to prepare for it.  Prepare by going t staples and printing off some glossy new headshots and crisp new resumes ... maybe buying a stapler to staple it all together nicely... and Id like to photocopy my music too!  I think that would be quite useful.  But here I am beating myself up over NOT going to the gym. 

My monsters and I.

That would be a decent name for a song.

Maybe I should write again. 

Annnnyyyway... I'm not working out this morning as I have other things to do - and because I didn't work out yesterday... i'm kind of frustrated with myself... and because I realize I'm frustrated with myself over dumb reasons - I get even more frustrated with myself.

Lame right?

Anyway.

I'm still on track.. just a little under the weather.