Head wars.

I got a little busy this week.  So busy in fact that I only really got in three good workouts - Sunday run, Wednesday run and Thursday bootcamp class.  I also did a pilates ball workout on my own at home on Monday.   Anyway... today I work at 1 and I woke up at 10 with full intentions of hitting the gym.  But I haven't gone yet and I realized that I'm getting a little maniacal about the gym and I have to start being reallllly careful about what headspace I get into.   I can get into a pretty dark place where I start kicking my own butt in my head about not being good enough. 

I've been in this place before.... I start working out... and then to get results I start eating less.  During a run of Oklahoma a few years ago - I was working out, drinking one coffee in the morning... eat a handful of almonds - then not eating again till the show where I had an Ice Cap from Tim Hortons as a dinner... and whatever else.  It was bad and I was getting pretty svelte - but not for good reasons.  But the control I had felt good, it felt like if nothing else at least I could control something.  I do understand this was not healthy.  There was other emotional baggage going on during that show that fed into me becoming a little crazy... but regardless... I don't really ever want to be in that place again.


Yes - i do want to be svelte.   Yes.. I am starting to tone up quite nicely.  But now, I'm freaking out that if I take a day off that I'm going to lose all of the results I've starting having. 

I have good reason to take the morning off today.  Monday - my day off from Starbucks - has turned into a busy day.  I have an audition, then I have some training for a Heart and Stroke gig I'm doing on the weekend.. and then I have my second court date for my awesome speeding ticket (for going 5km over the limit).  It's a busy day.  I jut got wind of the audition yesterday ... so I'd like to prepare for it.  Prepare by going t staples and printing off some glossy new headshots and crisp new resumes ... maybe buying a stapler to staple it all together nicely... and Id like to photocopy my music too!  I think that would be quite useful.  But here I am beating myself up over NOT going to the gym. 

My monsters and I.

That would be a decent name for a song.

Maybe I should write again. 

Annnnyyyway... I'm not working out this morning as I have other things to do - and because I didn't work out yesterday... i'm kind of frustrated with myself... and because I realize I'm frustrated with myself over dumb reasons - I get even more frustrated with myself.

Lame right?

Anyway.

I'm still on track.. just a little under the weather.